


you and i are friends of empty graves

by paaxanthus



Category: Half-Life
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Flashbacks, M/M, Minor Original Character(s), Nonbinary Gordon Freeman, Other, They/Them Pronouns for Gordon Freeman
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:07:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25345918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paaxanthus/pseuds/paaxanthus
Summary: Barney thought he was in the clear after escaping Black Mesa with his life. Go home, get therapy for all the bullshit he witnessed, cope with the loss of his partner. The usual. Forces more powerful than the human mind can comprehend have other plans, and he wakes up seventeen years later in Eastern Europe.[ Lost steam for this, will hopefully finish someday but who knows. ]
Relationships: Barney Calhoun & Alyx Vance, Barney Calhoun & Isaac Kleiner, Barney Calhoun/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 28
Kudos: 89





	1. void

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barney escapes Black Mesa, only to enter another hell.

The teleporter in the depths of Black Mesa had finished its final charge, and Barney was finally getting out. The… Christ, it had been nearly a day. The day he had spent fighting his way out had been hell. All he wanted now was to go home, take a shower, and spend all day sleeping. The chattering of soldiers on the other side of the door told him that he could think about sleeping for thirteen hours straight _after_ he got through the portal, though, so he scrambled down the ladder. He briefly paused, staring at the portal, orange and green and _brilliant_ , before entering.

“Calhoun!” he heard Dr. Rosenberg call out as he materialized outside of Black Mesa… momentarily. In another flash of green, he was on a barren island of the alien world he had previously been to. Another, a storage room inside of Black Mesa. More soldiers. Except these soldiers were dragging away the motionless form of Gordon Freeman. Barney couldn’t move, though whether out of fear or as a result of the ‘resonance displacement’ he heard Dr. Rosenberg mention before the flash that took him to the alien planet, he couldn’t say. But then they were out of sight, and he was out of Black Mesa.

The group piled into the awaiting SUV. Barney leaned into the back seat, letting the tension ease from his shoulders. The adrenaline that had kept him active as he fought for his life had dissipated, and he was _exhausted_. He could process whatever the hell he just witnessed when he wasn’t on the verge of passing out. As he stared out the car window, trying not to think too much about the past twenty hours, exhaustion overtook him and he fell asleep. 

He wouldn’t be allowed sleep for much longer.

“Mr. Cal… houn…” a distant, haunting voice stirred him. He was… well, he wasn’t in the SUV anymore, or in the New Mexican desert. Where there had once been cliffs and sand, there was now a vast expanse of inky darkness. A man in a suit sat across from him, looking calm and composed. The entire situation had Barney on edge, but _something_ kept him from outright panic. Though neither moved, the distance between them felt smaller and smaller, as if reality itself bent to the whims of this man.

“Mr. Calhoun. While I hadn’t… _anticipated_ this meeting, it has become necessary. Your presence is crucial for the… cooperation of… certain _rogue elements_. We can’t have you getting yourself killed _before_ you’ve outlived your usefulness, can we? So for now, you get a well-deserved rest. Certainly not as well-deserved as your... counterpart’s, but well-deserved nonetheless. You will know when it’s time.”

The empty, endless void welcomed Barney Calhoun into itself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i do NOT remember what sparked this train of thought, but shout out to mars for letting me ramble about it in our dms. *exhales* part one of my first multichapter work? let's fuckin' GO, babey!


	2. seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barney finds himself in City 17, and becomes reacquainted with someone from the past.

The apartment was small and sparsely furnished. A length of worn, stained fabric was tacked over a hole in the drywall between this room and its neighbor. Just like the walls, and the floor, there was a layer of grime coating the singular window along the exterior wall. 

The room should, by all logic, be abandoned. 

In direct defiance of this, there was someone who called it home. 

The room’s “owner,” as if anyone actually owned anything on this _godforsaken hunk of rock_ anymore, sat cross-legged on an old couch, her eyes idly flicking back and forth between the static on TV and the unconscious man laying on the mattress in the corner. God, she had gone out on a limb, lying directly to Civil Protection that this was her brother. There was a passing resemblance at best, but the officers had left the clearly disoriented man with her. So far, they hadn’t called her bluff.

The man stirred, trying to push himself to sit. His arms shook, but with effort, he sat up. His movement had caught her attention. Wordlessly, she stood, crossing the room.

Barney sat on what _barely_ qualified as a mattress, looking at the unfamiliar woman who stood over him. 

“Who the hell are you?”

The exhaustion that had built up once the adrenaline had worn off still weighed him down. He sat for a moment, processing the question, before he finally found his words.

“I’m… Barney Calhoun,” tumbled out of his mouth. Her stern expression softened slightly.  
“Nice to meet ya, Calhoun. Name’s Hackman,” she paused, “Emma. Now, do you mind telling me what you were doing in the middle of the street yesterday? Hell, if I hadn’t showed up, CP probably would’ve hauled your ass to Nova Prospekt. Trust me when I say you don’t wanna end up there.”

Truth be told, he had no memories of the “yesterday” that she mentioned. In his mind, he had been at Black Mesa, the man had talked to him, and then he had woken up here.

“If I’m bein’ honest, I don’t even know where the hell I am,” he said sheepishly.  
“Well, Calhoun, you’re in City Seventeen. _‘One of the finest remaining urban centers,’_ as that Breen guy likes to put it on his stupid broadcasts.”

Breen? Barney idly wondered if it was the very same Breen that had been Black Mesa’s administrator. If it was, what did that say about the state of the Earth? He wasn’t incompetent as a leader, far from it. But Wallace Breen was not a good person by any stretch of the imagination.

“Now, not that I mind company too much, but do you have any friends or family out there? I’d imagine you wanna meet up with them if you do.” 

Gordon was gone. He knew he didn’t have them. Maybe Dr. Kleiner and the Vances were okay, though. Maybe he could find one of them. Dr. Kleiner had been like a father to Gordon, and the Vances had always been kind to them.

“Does the name Isaac Kleiner ring any bells? Eli and Azian Vance?” Barney questioned. She thought for a moment.  
“I think I’ve heard a thing or two about Kleiner. Supposedly lives somewhere in the city. Dunno where. If you wanna start looking, I know some people.”  
Barney nodded.  
“If you go right out the door, four doors down on the left, that’s where Rosales lives. Dunno if he knows your guys, but he _does_ know where to find Post, and from what I hear? Post knows where to find pretty much anyone.”

“Thanks, Hackman.”

Barney followed her instructions. He stood in front of the door, took a deep breath, and knocked. A man, clad in the same kind of ill-fitting denim jumpsuit as Hackman, answered the door.

“You Rosales?” Barney asked.  
“Yeah. You’re Hackman’s ‘brother,’ aren’t you? Come on in.”

Barney followed him into the apartment, despite wanting to begin his search as soon as physically possible. Once inside, Rosales nodded his head toward a small wardrobe by the bathroom.

“Take a jumpsuit. CP’ll be less suspicious if you’re dressed like a civilian. It’ll make things easier.”

Barney rifled through the wardrobe, before finally finding a jumpsuit that looked like it’d fit alright. He ducked into the bathroom, shedding the long-sleeved blue button-up and black slacks that had been his uniform. The helmet and vest that had kept him from any too-serious injuries in Black Mesa were gone, though whether that was because of the man, this “Civil Protection” he kept hearing about, or Hackman was anyone’s guess. He assumed one of the previous two, since he hadn’t seen it in the apartment. 

The jumpsuit, just like the ones that Hackman and Rosales wore, was ill-fitting. A bit too loose in the shoulders, a bit too tight in the stomach, but if it kept him from being hounded by Civil Protection, he guessed it’d be worth it. He exited the bathroom, eager to talk to Rosales.  
“So, I’d guess you’re lookin’ for Post?” Rosales asked. Barney nodded. “Most people are. They’re good at finding people, but even better at staying hidden. Lucky for most people, I know their regular haunts. I keep a few maps of the city handy, I can lend you one. Just give it to Post when you find ‘em, they’ll get it back to me. If you get lost, just ask someone. Lots of people are glad to help, and if they’re a bit stubborn, they should be a bit more cooperative if you tell ‘em that Rosales or Hackman sent you.”

Barney set off to search the city. Setting foot outside for the first time he could recall showed that the state of the interior of the apartment complex carried over to the exterior and surrounding buildings, and presumably to the rest of the city as well. What _had_ he missed these past few days?

The map Rosales had given him was pretty straightforward. Barney didn’t know much about the guy, but he knew the man definitely knew the city. Which was _extremely_ good for Barney, since he didn’t even know where “City Seventeen” was, geographically speaking. It definitely wasn’t New Mexico, though. He had stopped a few times to ask people for help. They were a bit standoffish, but changed their tune when he mentioned where he had come from.

After what he guessed had been a couple hours, he reached the last of the destinations on the map. In front of him was a flower shop, once vibrant-green paint peeling and windows smashed, with an apartment upstairs. A small bell chimed discordantly as he pushed open the flower shop door.

“Hello?” No response.

He pushed onwards towards the back room, where he found a staircase leading to the upstairs apartment. The stairs creaked under his weight, showing their disuse. He knocked at the door at the top, which swung open at the pressure.

“Anyone home?” Once again, he was met with silence.

The door slammed shut behind him. He scrambled for the doorknob, but there seemed to be something barricading the door on the other side. Inside the apartment, the interior doors he knew had windows on the other side were locked, and the windows that he _could_ access were sealed shut. He looked around for something to smash one with, figuring that risking cuts from broken glass to get out was probably better than staying here waiting for whoever or whatever had trapped him in here.

There were footsteps on the other side of one of the locked doors. The lock clicked, and the door creaked open. In the door frame stood a lanky figure, clutching a handgun in their left hand. Barney’s back was up against the barricaded door as they approached.

“You’re the guy who’s been looking for Kleiner and Vance?” Barney nodded, anxiety bubbling in his chest. “Why the _hell_ do you want to know where my father is?”  
“I… I dunno where in the goddamn world I am! I’m just tryin’ to find a familiar face. Didn’t even know Kleiner _had_ a kid. Well, had one _for real_. Gordon might as well’ve been his kid.”  
They laughed. “Kleiner? No, I’m Eli’s daughter. Alyx.”

“So, who are you anyway?” she asked, lowering the gun. “You don’t look familiar. Plus, you look _really_ confused.”  
“Barney Calhoun. I worked with your father at Black Mesa up until… a couple days ago? Well, not _worked_ -worked, ‘m not a scientist, but still. I am confused though, since you’re, what, 15? Eli and Azian _just_ had their first kid.”  
“Now _I’m_ confused. It’s been seventeen years since my father worked at Black Mesa.”  
“It’s been… what?”  
“Maybe we should talk to Kleiner about it? He’s gotta have some idea of what happened. Come on, his lab isn’t far from here.” Barney looked at her. “Oh! Yeah. Leave the map here. Post comes by pretty often. I’ll let them know later.”

She led him through the twisting alleyways, stopping at another apartment complex. This one looked even less inhabited than the others he had seen, but she confidently pressed on towards the basement.

“Thirsty?” she asked, standing in front of an old vending machine. It moved aside as she punched in a precise combination.

“Barney Calhoun? Is that you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> before today this had 200-odd words but today i got this baby to 1.55k!! pog... anyway. barney and gordon WILL reunite and i WILL give they gays everything they want. i think about freehoun and the half life hyperfixation gremlin in my brain yells 'go gayboy go'
> 
> the ocs in this chapter Will Not play any significance later on i PROMISE


	3. catch-up interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barney reunites with Kleiner, forgives himself, and finds out how Earth's been in his absence.

“My god, it really is you. Barney Calhoun, in the flesh… where have you been?” Dr. Kleiner asked, hundreds upon hundreds of questions rushing through his mind.  
“I… well, to be honest, Dr. Kleiner, I dunno,” Barney said sheepishly, fidgeting with the edges of his rough denim sleeves. “I just… fell asleep on a car ride outta Black Mesa, and woke up here.”  
“Fascinating.” The wheels had begun to turn in Kleiner’s head in regards to just how this all was possible, when Barney broke the barely-settled silence.

“About Gordon…” The expression on Barney’s face fell as he let himself speak.  
“Yes, about them…”  
“I’m sorry, Kleiner, I wish I could’ve helped them, I… maybe they’d still be here.” A pause. It clicked in Kleiner’s mind what Barney meant.  
“I miss them too, Barney, but things aren’t quite what you seem to think. The vortigaunts have _assured_ us that Gordon _will_ come back. We just… don’t know when.”

The weight of guilt that he had watched them die, unable to do anything about it, fell from his shoulders at those words. They were out there, somewhere. He still felt awful that they had gone through the horrors of Black Mesa completely and utterly alone, but they were alive. And for Barney, that was enough.

“So, since time travel is apparently real, what’d I miss these past seventeen years?” Barney quipped, hoping to break the slight tension that had settled as he reflected on what he had learned.  
“This _might_ take a while. There’s been… a lot,” Alyx spoke.  
“Lucky for you, I got time.”

Kleiner and Alyx worked together to give Barney a general rundown of what had happened the past seventeen years, occasionally elaborating if he wanted to know more about something. The catch-up session lasted well into the night, before they all realized how late it was.  
“Barney, it’s dangerous to be out at night. You and Alyx should stay here,” Kleiner spoke.  
“Fine by me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahaha *speedruns this chapter for Reasons* anyway. barney and kleiner friends  
> next chapter miiiiiiight be a little bit into barney being back because my brainworms aren't appeased by spending the amount of time i have on Right When He Arrives soooooooo


	4. civil destruction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barney has a short-lived gig as the resistance's spy in Civil Protection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNINGS: violence, death, emetophobia, panic  
> starts at 'He had always been prone ...' and goes through '... it was better to let him rest.'  
> brief summary at the end if you need to skip it

Barney knew why he was here. He knew they needed _someone_ on the inside. Or rather, someone on the ground. He didn’t know what had spurred him to volunteer. Yet there he was, folded-up Civil Protection uniform in his hands, bracing himself for his first shift. It’d be just like Black Mesa, he tried desperately to convince himself. The pit forming in his stomach knew enough to disagree. He knew what Civil Protection was like. He hadn’t been around long, but he’d been around long enough to know _exactly_ the kind of people that had jumped at the opportunity to join up.

Still, he had to do this. Had to aid the resistance. For Gordon.

He stood in front of the sink, staring at his reflection in the cracked, filthy mirror. The past month and a half hadn’t been kind. Dark, sunken circles made their home under his eyes, and pale scars from various cuts and scrapes stood out against his skin, the most prominent along his left cheekbone. That _thing_ that Kleiner called a pet was responsible for that one. Whatever appeal he saw in the creature, Barney sure didn’t. 

The material the uniforms were made from was scratchy and unfamiliar. He gritted his teeth as it came into contact with his skin. Whatever. He would have to get used to it. It didn’t _matter_ that it made his skin crawl to touch it. They needed him.

He put on the gas mask.

Wordlessly, Barney walks from his apartment to his station. It’s early, too early. There’s only the faintest hint of sunlight. He missed the days where the sun was up hours before him, and he’d wake up to sunlight streaming in through the cracks in the blinds. Some small, foolish part of him hoped that someday, he could have that again. Hoped and prayed and begged that somewhere down the line, he would wake up on a Sunday afternoon, Gordon curled up against him, _smiling_ at him.

But he was here, and they weren’t.

As he approached the station, a CP officer waved him over. He sucked in a breath. He just had to be there until noon, and then he could go back to his apartment and get out of the oppressive gear to be alone with his thoughts.

“You’re the new guy? Calhoun, right?” they asked, voice distorted by some sort of filter in the mask. Barney nodded. He didn’t plan on befriending any of his new co-workers, but he would be polite. Barely. He knew how they reveled in brutality. He had seen people beaten on the streets. Alyx had shown him the scarring that branched across her arm.

He spent what could barely be considered an orientation nodding along to what the officer said, choosing to stay lost in his thoughts rather than actively listen. At the end, they gave him his stunstick, told him his patrol route, and left him to it. If they had noticed his lack of actual attentiveness, they hadn’t mentioned it. Fine by him.

Things went smoothly, unsurprisingly. People seemed content to avoid any interaction with Civil Protection aside from _maybe_ a polite nod here or there. They did what they could to avoid drawing the ire of the other officers. Even then, that wasn’t always enough.

Barney wanted to collapse onto the mattress the instant he walked through the door. Shedding the CP uniform, he didn’t even bother to put anything on over the tank and boxers he had worn underneath before letting himself fall face-first onto the mattress.

**—**

He had always been prone to emotional exhaustion, ever since he was a kid. Had always strived to be good enough, to the point of complete and total burnout. But it wasn’t the perfectionism for their sake that pushed him over the edge.

He had been on his way to Kleiner’s lab after a shift when he ran across the tail end of an apartment block raid. A man was slumped against the wall, bloody and battered as two CP officers slammed their stunsticks into him. Barney heard an audible, sickening _crunch_ , prompting screams of the man’s name from a woman being restrained by another officer. He didn’t quite catch the name. His head was swimming, and the shouting and thick scent of blood and singed flesh clouded his senses. The screams came to a halt with a loud _bang_ , followed by a heavy _thump_ on the concrete below.

Barney ducked into a nearby alley, jerking his mask off. He retched violently, losing his meager breakfast in the filthy alley. He wiped at his mouth with his sleeve, too dazed to care about the way his skin crawled. After a brief moment of what no living person would classify as recovery, he continued toward Kleiner’s lab on wobbly legs.

He fumbled with the buttons on the vending machine, adrenaline forcing him to press on towards the one safe place he knew. Kleiner looked horrified as Barney collapsed into the singular swivel chair. Slowly, steadily, with some guidance from Kleiner, he came down from the panicked rush. The exhaustion settled deep into his bones. They’d talk about it later. For now, it was better to let him rest.

**—**

In the end, they’d had to fake his death. He couldn’t go back, and it wasn’t like the Combine just let anyone quit. No one else had lived in the building on the outskirts of town, and the CP officers that had searched the place once the fire had burned out had taken the presence of Barney’s identification in the vicinity of the charred corpse at face value. It had been a lot simpler than he had expected. All it had taken was a bit of arson, and he was back off the grid.

He could only hope the vortigaunts were right when they said that Gordon would save them all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yearning, violence, panic attacks... this ones got it all. next chapter by popular vote is gonna be yearning flashback because this chapter is fucked up and malignant and i wanna do something nice esp since i'm having to bump up the rating for this one  
> me, making barney suffer: someone *please* help this man...
> 
> summary if you needed to skip: barney sees a couple get murdered by civil protection on his way to kleiner's lab and has a panic attack.  
> it *looks* like a big chunk of text but that's the essentials of it. the rest is just description.


	5. sunlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barney holds onto the past. It's the only thing that's keeping him sane.

The bed had creaked under his shifting weight as he dragged himself out of it. He had looked over his shoulder towards his partner, who was still sound asleep, wrapped in a fluffy throw blanket. Their face was highlighted by beams of morning sunlight, streaming in through the window, and their long brown hair stuck out in every direction. They were handsome, the light of his life. Knowing they felt the same about him was something that had always made his heart feel like it’d burst.

Somehow, he had managed to wake up early enough to make the two of them breakfast, a task he readily accepted. He had always loved cooking, and had thankfully been taught a good bit growing up, so between the two of them, the task usually fell to him. He didn’t mind, though, and with them still asleep, he had the tiny kitchen to himself. That was always a plus. The dorms at Black Mesa weren’t really suited for more than one person, but they made it work when they stayed the night with each other.

From the looks of their fridge, he knew he’d have to get on their case about going grocery shopping soon. However, there was enough in it that he could make something coherent. 

After some searching the fridge and cabinets, he had found everything he needed. He carefully watched over the bacon that was sizzling in a frying pan on the stove, on alert for the sound of the toaster. He had been so focused that he hadn’t noticed they were awake and also in the kitchen until they draped their arms over his shoulders. A surprised ‘huh?’ escaped him.

“Sorry, sorry,” they murmured, suppressing a laugh. “Didn’t mean to scare you, Barn.”  
“‘S alright, darlin’. Just didn’t think you’d be up yet. Good morning,” he turned toward them, momentarily diverting his attention from the stove to kiss them. 

The toaster popped, and they jumped.

“Fuckin’ thing always catches me off guard,” they grumbled. It was his turn to hold back laughter. They elbowed at him playfully as he went to scoop the bacon from the frying pan with a pair of tongs. Today would be good. They were up on time that they could enjoy breakfast together, and getting to hear their voice was always nice. It was one of his favorite sounds. Sometimes they didn’t like to talk, but that was fine by him. The silence at those times was a comfortable one.

They sat at the table together, eating the breakfast sandwiches he had made.  
“So, you got that test today, huh, Doc?” They nodded, taking a bite.  
“I shouldn’t have to stay late tonight… how’s movie night sound? It’s been a while.”  
“Sure.”

He was ready before they were. Still half-dressed, they stopped him at the door for a goodbye kiss.  
“See ya when I see ya, darlin’,” he spoke, departing.

But that had been the last time he saw them, other than a passing glimpse on their tram ride, before they had been dragged away. Before a decade and a half passed him by in a flash, and they were nowhere in sight. Despite the insistence they’d return, his heart still ached in their absence. 

Barney let himself cry as he lay there in bed without them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *writes fluff and then concludes it with an Ouchie* haha! we now return to your regularly scheduled barney pain hours  
> on another note? something is coming. something _not_ half life. but adjacent... if you know you know ;)


	6. railroad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barney helps the resistance in another way by joining the railroad. After a while, he hears a message he'd given up hope of ever receiving.

There were other ways to help the resistance, Alyx had told him, following his breakdown. He didn’t have to force himself to go back, didn’t have to _pretend_ he was okay. Didn’t have to join CP in their brutality. They had others on the inside, albeit higher up, and they had others who could take on a role on the ground. 

The railroad would be good. He could do this. Help people escape the city, fight off a few CP officers or headcrabs if it came to that.

Station 7, they told him, was an old, slightly run-down barn on the outskirts of the city. Wasn’t very busy, but enough people passed through often enough to justify using it as a base. 

The routine the rebels who already maintained the station kept was easy enough to fall into. It was all about maintaining the facade that the barn was abandoned. If they could do that, they could avoid raids or getting shelled.

—

The ham radio crackled to life, informing Station 7 that someone was on their way. It was a message that Barney had lost hope of ever hearing only a few months after his arrival. Gordon. They were back.

“Freeman’s on the way. Got in a bit of a scrap on arrival, but that Vance kid bailed ‘em out. Vance got the hell outta there, but the teleport apparently got busted. Freeman’s on foot. Dunno if they’ll make it, considering CP’s on their tail, but keep an eye out.”

They were alive, and out there, and the vorts hadn’t been mistaken. Barney made note to himself to really stop doubting them. This hadn’t been the first time they’d correctly predicted something, and he doubted it’d be the last. How they did it, he was clueless, but Gordon was back.

And then, he heard the _crack_ of the old wooden roof, and the smoke and the hissing that inevitably came along with a shell.

The shell had splintered the support beams they used to get to where he was, cutting him off from the others. He tried to help, firing at the headcrabs when he could get a clear shot, but all that was left in the barn post-shelling were three corpses and himself. Stranded. He could try to jump for the stairs, but he didn’t see a way that didn’t end with him breaking a bone, and his odds of making it back to Black Mesa East with a broken limb didn’t seem too high.

So he sat there. Maybe if Gordon did make it, they could help somehow. But for now? All he could do was wait.

—

The clank of their metal boots sounded harsh against the creaking of the old wood. This… _was_ the station, right? It seemed abandoned. When they got inside the barn, however, it was clear the abandonment was a more recent development. The pooling of blood on the floor was still somewhat wet, sickeningly sticky under their boots. Out of their sight, someone was watching.

Barney peered over the edge of the attic floor’s remains, having been alerted by the creaking of wood outside. It was them.

“Gordon!” he called, not quite a shout. Didn’t want to alert any CP that might have followed them or been in the area. They whipped around, and the stern, anxious look their face had previously worn was replaced with a wide smile.

“ _Barney,_ ” they rasped. God, they felt like hell, but Barney was okay! They didn’t know how long they’d been gone, didn’t know if anyone they knew would still be out there, but there was Barney. He smiled softly at them. Barney cleared his throat, breaking the moment.  
“Do you, uh, think you could help me out? I’m kinda… stuck,” he asked sheepishly. Realization dawned on their face as he said this. The broken wood on the floor had clearly been his way across to there before the shell had taken it out.

Eventually, after a moment of problem-solving they’d be embarrassed to admit the length of, they dragged the table from the corner of the room to sit right under the ledge. They motioned for him to climb down.

Once his feet were back on the ground, they immediately pulled him into a hug. Now wasn’t the _ideal_ time for a touching and heart-felt reunion, but they could at least get a hug. So sue them if they lingered for a moment, they’d thought he would be dead. They’d seen so many dead at Black Mesa… 

“You should prolly get goin’ soon, Doc. They’re waitin’ for you at Black Mesa East,” Barney spoke up after a moment.  
“Aren’t you coming too?” They seemed concerned.  
“I’ll be right behind ya. You’re in an airboat I’m guessin’? Those aren’t exactly equipped for a passenger. It’ll be alright though. I know how to get there on foot.”

His answer seemed to satisfy them. Reluctantly, they exited the barn. He followed, waving good-bye as they drove onward. It would take him maybe a day on foot to reach Black Mesa East. He stocked up on the remaining supplies in the barn, ready to begin his trek.

If what the vortigaunts said about Gordon was true, it wasn’t like anyone would be coming through here afterwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i neglected this fic for a week and a half to write hunt down the freeman one-shots <3 it's not my fault <3  
> anyway. gordon real finally. woaw. barney see gordon gay moments


	7. ravenholm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon gets separated from the resistance, and Eli and Mossman have been captured. Thankfully, the resistance has Alyx.

He had reached Black Mesa East far sooner than he thought, but far too late to try and prevent the chaos he was witnessing the aftermath of. The raid had been quick, the Combine had known what they were after. Still, plenty of damage had been done. Medics tended to the injured, mechanics tried to salvage what they could from smashed machinery. 

Alyx had rushed at him when she saw him, pulling him into a hug. Something had deeply upset her, and it was apparent she had been crying.

“Barney… they took Dad. Mossman too.” She took a breath, trying to steady her voice.  
“And Gordon? Did they… were they taken? Did they even make it?”  
“They made it. The Combine didn’t take them, but… we got separated. They headed to Ravenholm.”

Barney tensed at the mention of Ravenholm. It had been nearly a year since Ravenholm got shelled to hell and back, leaving no survivors, but it was still fresh in everyone’s minds. The blocked-off tunnel was a painful reminder of just how against them the odds were. Ravenholm had been a thriving community, or as close to thriving something could get in this world, before the shells. Now, it was a graveyard.

—

Gordon knew by Alyx’s tone that something had to have gone _horribly_ wrong in Ravenholm, but they hadn’t expected something on this scale. Headcrabs were scattered all around town, both with and without their agonized hosts. It was just them, alone against several dozen headcrabs and zombies.

Until they weren’t alone. 

They weren’t sure if it was the raucous cackling or the fire of a shotgun that tipped them off first, but they weren’t alone. Someone was out there, assisting them in picking off the creatures that had taken up residence in the town. Gordon was clueless as to whether or not the other person was friendly, but people have always said that the enemy of your enemy is your friend, so they currently leaned towards ‘uneasy alliance.’

Father Grigori, the man had called himself. He had given Gordon a long-winded, nonsensical introduction, tossed them a shotgun, and explained that the only way out was through the mines. He offered to help them get there, and they had accepted.

Which had resulted in the extremely precarious descent into the mines. The narrow ledges and rotting wooden beams were far from ideal, but they made their way safely into the mines. The few, distant electrical lights, somehow still running after all this time, illuminated the evidence that they weren’t out of the metaphorical woods yet. The mine was absolutely infested with headcrabs.

—

Barney was nervous. He didn’t need to be, but the total silence from the nearest base out of Ravenholm wasn’t comforting. Alyx had gotten in contact with them late last night, and he had been awake since, waiting for a response. He hadn’t realized he’d fallen asleep at the computers until Alyx was nudging him awake.

“Barney. Barney, Shorepoint’s calling. Wake up.” He stared at the monitor blearily as Alyx answered the video transmission. Leon greeted them, motioning Gordon over. She explained how Eli had been taken. She paused, and all parties could see the gears turning in her head as she formulated a plan on how to rescue him. 

“Leon, you still have the scout car we left there last summer, right? Gordon’s gonna need it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wasn't sure whether or not to keep adding to this one but mars said xe liked the cliffhanger aspect so. here we are   
> yesterday marked three weeks since i posted chapter one! woo *throws confetti*  
> shoutout to everyone who gives this fic love. y'all are why i haven't made chapter one a one-shot and left it at that. love ya <3


	8. nova prospekt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon breaks into the Combine's most secure prison. Meanwhile, while aiding in the evacuation of Black Mesa East, Barney encounters a familiar stranger.

Gordon hated heights. They absolutely hated heights. Making their way across the underside of an arch bridge thousands of feet above the sea wasn’t exactly their idea of a good time, but _someone_ had to power down the forcefield impeding their progress, and they were the only one to do it. It wasn’t an ideal task for someone whose hands got clammy if they so much as thought about climbing a ladder, but if they were careful, everything would _hopefully_ be fine. 

What made all of it worse was the gunship that was now fixated on them. Well, they figured, at least the adrenaline of fighting for their life against a gunship would keep them from having another anxiety attack while crossing back under the bridge. That could wait for once they were back on solid ground.

If they ever got the chance to rest, they were going to be fucking _exhausted_.

—

The vortigaunt shepherd was right. The process of antlion pheropod extraction _was_ unsanitary. And gross. Gordon would be perfectly content if they never had to witness _that_ again. The pheropod was supposed to be useful, though, and from what others had said, they wouldn’t get very far on the whole “storming a highly secure Combine prison” plan without the help of an antlion army. Antlions were certainly vicious, they had seen firsthand.

Antlions were absolutely brutal, they thought, watching the creatures swarm Combine soldiers. God, an antlion army would’ve been helpful in Black Mesa. Sure, they were easily stopped, but they just kept coming, no matter how many went down. They persistently followed the orders of whoever held a pheropod, and it was no surprise the resistance had figured out how to weaponize that dedication. 

Crawling through sewers was far from pleasant, but at this point, they were woefully familiar with slogging through sewage. At least this time it was only up to their knees. Back in Black Mesa, they’d had to swim through sewage. They made a mental note that, if they ever wrote an autobiography, they would _not_ be talking about that part. But they knew once they were out of the sewers and into Nova Prospekt, that’d be the least of their concerns.

—

The man that Barney saw hunched in the corner was painfully familiar. Not his face, no, Barney couldn’t see the man’s face through the gas mask he wore. It was the man’s uniform. Somehow, twenty years later, that man was sitting there in the fatigues of a HECU soldier. They weren’t quite pristine, but they didn’t show the wear and tear of twenty years. The man was looking at him. From what he could see, unobscured by the mask, the man’s face looked young.

“Who are you?” Barney’s tone was stern, his nerves frayed, but he tried to have some semblance of kindness present in his voice. The man just… stared. If he was HECU, somehow, by the same set of circumstances that Barney and Gordon weren’t twenty years older, then Barney figured the odds were pretty good that he understood him. But the man didn’t respond.

Barney repeated himself, signing along this time. The man watched intently, copying the signs. 

“Name’s Barney. I got a group outside, and we’re tryin’ to get the hell outta here… you can join us, if you want.” A nod. It might not have been the best idea to invite the stranger into their party, but in the world they all lived in, sticking together was what mattered. Once they got to White Forest, he could figure out more.

[—](http://insidepulse.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/Captain-America-1-Y-MIA-Rob-Liefeld-Heroes-Reborn-Captain-America-.jpg)

Nova Prospekt was… well, about as inviting as one would expect a prison operated by alien fascists to be. It was cleaner than most buildings they had seen, though. Pristine tile flooring, mostly undamaged walls. But the most unsettling thing was that Gordon hadn’t seen any prisoners. This was _the_ Combine prison, it was disturbing that they had only seen Combine.

They crouched down, making their way through a hole that had been smashed in one wall by an antlion guard, into a hallway that was distinctly _not_ part of the original architecture. The walls were high, navy blue pillars, smooth and metallic in texture. And then, they began to creak, slowly closing in.

Gordon was once again in Black Mesa, coming to inside of the trash compactor after getting the shit kicked out of them by a pair of HECU soldiers. It had begun closing in, the creaking had woken them. They had scrambled up several crates, adrenaline coursing through their veins. Once they were in the clear, they had given themself a moment, just a moment, to calm.

Forcing themself back into an awareness of their surroundings, Gordon ducked into a gap on one side of the wall, scrambling down the tunnel it led into.

There was a train station. Gordon would’ve been here, they knew, if the resistance hadn’t caused a scene upon their arrival in City 17. They didn’t want to know what would’ve happened _beyond_ the train station. But Alyx was there, waiting for them, which meant the next step was to locate Eli.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy one month to this fic! it's been a ride, and the reception it's had makes me so happy <3  
> god, i was consistent when it came to posting the first few chapters... but now i have brainworms  
> anyway i'm using this opportunity to plug my hdtf fics. yes, yes, hdtf is garbage, but i'm really proud of them, and if you (like me) love adrian shephard, he's involved in a couple of them... pspsps adrian stans...  
> there's a little... easter egg? in here somewhere. people from hl/vraigb will Know

**Author's Note:**

> fic title is from canary in a coal mine by the crane wives


End file.
